Sure, I'd rather be writing about Britney's latest meltdown or the new "Beowulf" movie, but I gotta follow the numbers. And the webmasters here tell me nothing spikes up the traffic at the Bubbler like yet another post about Portland lit-rockers The Decemberists.

Actually, this is a pretty good one for the (misguided) few of you who are anti-Decemberist, because apparently Carrie Brownstein, formerly of Sleater-Kinney, is one of your numbers. Oh, she doesn't mention the band by name on her new blog, but in a Friday entry about "deal-breakers" in music -- things she can't and will never stand -- she paints a general word picture that looks awfully familiar:

"My deal-breaker is preciousness: when the music is a tiny, baby bird that needs us to be nurturing and respectful, otherwise it can't spread its wings. I like quiet music, folk music, solo artists--it's not a matter of volume or numbers, but it is a matter of art being able to stand on its own two feet. I don't think music needs to be coddled, no matter how delicate or soft it sounds. When a band or singer makes me go "awwww," as I would at the sight of a newborn child, then that is a band that needs a pacifier not an amplifier.

Other indicators of preciousness include, but are not limited to: matching old-timey outfits; mumbling, soft-spoken stage banter that trails off and is quickly followed by a cutesy smile, which for some reason garners huge cheers from the audience; being so nervous on stage that someone in the crowd has to yell "you can do it!" or "we love you" (exception made here for child performers); asking people to lie down on the floor for the next song; and any audience sing-along or participation so complicated that it needs to be explained BEFORE the song starts."

At least one blogger read that to be a takedown of Brownstein's fellow Portlanders, although they're certainly plenty of other bands that deserve to be called "precious." And, in their defense, the Decemberists have shown some real muscle in both their live shows and on "The Crane Wife" album, what with the prog-rock of "The Island" and the funk of "The Perfect Crime 2."

I wonder if the Decemberists saw themselves in Brownstein's description and plan to respond, possibly with a 14-minute, four-part song about Sleater-Kinney that includes a lot of glockenspiel and prominent use of the word "afebrile."