Doug Moe: Madison's battle of the bumper stickers
LAST WEEK, an editor at the conservative National Review wrote an online column that suggested Madison is filled with hateful bumper stickers directed at conservatives by mean liberals.
The columnist, Jay Nordlinger, had written a previous column that included a letter from a reader in Seattle, who reported seeing this sticker in that city: "So Many Right-Wing Christians, So Few Lions."
In response to that column, Nordlinger received a letter, which he printed, from a reader who signed himself as living in "enemy-occupied Madison, Wis."
Driving to work in Madison, the letter writer noted, he had seen this bumper sticker: "Jesus loves me, but I make him wear a condom."
Nordlinger then wrote: "Is there something about living in left-wing communities and these nasty, hateful bumper stickers? I mean, is it simply a cost of living in these communities?"
He continued: "As you know, I grew up in Ann Arbor, Mich., and these stickers were a dime a dozen. You just accepted them, like mosquitoes (but you had no zapper). Indeed, such hatefulness was one of the reasons -- a big reason -- I turned, politically, so long ago."
Nordlinger concluded: "I wonder: Are there equivalent right-wing stickers, in right-wing communities? I never see them, and I never hear about them. Then again, I strain to recall ever being in a right-wing community. Maybe I should get out more."
I will take this opportunity to assure Nordlinger that there are plenty of nasty right-wing bumper stickers extant in the land. You can even find them here, in what a reader, later in Nordlinger's column, calls "the People's Republic of Madison."
I will share just a few of the many examples I have included in this column over the years, all spotted on the streets of "enemy-occupied Madison."
Here's one: "Annoy a liberal -- work hard, be happy."
And this: "I don't call 911, I go to the Ammo Box in Sun Prairie."
And another: "If God didn't want man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat."
Of course, I have also seen fit to include some from the other side of the aisle.
There was this: "The U.S. Marines -- When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed overnight."
And: "I'm tired of all the BUSHIT."
Actually, my favorite Madison bumper sticker story was told to me a few years ago by Chris Van Wagner, the criminal defense attorney, who had found himself stopped at a red light behind what he later called "a very conflicted Madisonian."
When he described it to me, I wondered what a psychiatrist would make of it.
For starters, there was the car itself, which was a compact that didn't burn a lot of gas -- the car of a good Madison liberal.
The car also had a bike rack on top -- very Madison.
But then, on the bumper, was a sticker with a photo of George W. Bush and the slogan: "I want to catch the spirit of America."
Meanwhile, adjacent to Bush on the bumper was a sticker for Tammy Baldwin, our liberal congresswoman.
Finally, and weirdest of all, was the sticker adjacent to the Baldwin sticker on the other side. It read: Nixon/Agnew, which references the doubly-disgraced Republican ticket for president in 1968 and 1972.
Van Wagner said: "That sticker had to be older than the car." By decades, probably.
I think the last word on the subject is perhaps best given to the late San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen, who once observed: "I may not agree with your bumper sticker, but I will defend to the death your right to stick it."
Heard something Moe should know? Call 252-6446, write P.O. Box 8060, Madison, WI 53708, or e-mail dmoe@madison.com
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Bumper stickers
