Same-sex Wisconsin couples willing to risk criminal penalties to marry in California
Every summer, Bob Klebba and David Waugh take a family beach vacation to San Diego. Besides fun and sun, this year's trip will have a little something extra: a wedding.
The two Madison men will be getting married at a San Diego courthouse in August. In May, the California Supreme Court ruled that barring same-sex couples from marriage is unconstitutional. Since June 17, same-sex couples have been getting married throughout California. Non-residents are allowed to marry there, too.
"What we might be looking for is outside recognition of our relationship -- recognition from society," Klebba said. "This is a way to ask for that recognition. Happily, California is willing to give us that."
Wisconsin, however, is not. Not only will Klebba's and Waugh's marriage not be recognized here, they could be taking a legal risk by entering into it. Wisconsin is a state that imposes criminal penalties on residents if they enter a marriage outside the state that would be prohibited in the state. The law was created to prohibit underage couples from crossing state lines to marry, but it could be interpreted to apply to same-sex marriages, according to Glenn Carlson of Fair Wisconsin, an advocacy group for gays and lesbians. In Wisconsin, the penalty is a fine of up to $10,000, nine months in prison, or both.
"It would be interesting to be prosecuted," Klebba said. "It would really bring up a reaction in the public sentiment."
That's not why Klebba and Waugh are getting married, however. They're doing it because of what it means to each other.
"I want to have the same opportunity as everybody else to let my partner know, in the strongest of ways, that I am committed to him for life," Waugh said. "Marriage is kind of the ultimate, top-level commitment you can make with another person."
That's why Madisonians Kathy Cox and Kim Whalen also will be traveling to California in August. Last month, the west side couple celebrated 20 years together.
"It's the final piece of the puzzle," Cox said. "It legitimizes how we've been living our lives."
IN 2006, Wisconsin voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Carlson, who is executive director of Fair Wisconsin, said his group's next political challenge is working to get partnership recognition through in the next legislative session.
Carlson said he hadn't heard of many couples heading to California. He didn't know if that was because it won't be recognized here in Wisconsin, the legal risks or simply because of the costs of traveling to California.
"Some people will go, and I think it's great," he said. "I haven't heard of anyone who wants to use this as a way to challenge the courts. That message seems to be getting out: Please don't make a federal case of this."
Lambda Legal, a civil rights organization that focuses on gay rights, has issued an advisory called "Make Change, Not Lawsuits." It urges same-sex couples to let the issue work out state by state instead of risking a setback with a lawsuit at the federal level or in their home state.
Wisconsin couples have traveled elsewhere to be married and not run afoul of the law here. In 2006, state Rep. Mark Pocan, D-Madison, traveled to Toronto to marry his partner, Philip Frank.
Carlson said his organization is reminding people of the law, but the choice is theirs.
"If you're in Dane County, you're probably pretty safe, but I couldn't speak for anyone else," he said. "There are 72 district attorneys out there."
There will be no legal risk for the wedding Gary and Kathy Sandefur will be attending at the Santa Clara County Courthouse on July 22. Their daughter Becky, 37, a West High School and UW-Madison graduate, will be marrying her partner of five years, Monica McDermott. Both are assistant professors of sociology at Stanford University.
"In academia, every mother wants her child to marry a Harvard Ph.D., so there you have it," Kathy Sandefur said of McDermott. Sandefur's husband, Gary, is dean of the College of Letters and Sciences at UW-Madison. "I hope the other family feels as worthy saying our daughter has a (University of) Chicago Ph.D."
Sandefur said her daughter and McDermott wanted to get married in 2004 when San Francisco began issuing marriage licenses for same-sex couples, but they couldn't free up the time because of travel commitments. A month later, the California Supreme Court ruled those marriages invalid because the city didn't have the authority to overrule state law. This time, the California Supreme Court ruled that marriage is a civil right and should not be denied to same-sex couples.
"I'm sorry other families and couples can't experience this," Sandefur said. "You've got to seize the moment. You have to celebrate the moment."
Cox said she and Whalen also had planned to go to California when marriage licenses were issued in San Francisco but didn't get there in time. This time, they decided to get it done.
"We thought, 'What the heck?' It's a step in the right direction,' " Cox said.
Because Whalen works for the Madison Metropolitan School District, the couple has domestic partnership benefits.
"That's because of the work of people ahead of us," Cox said. "Someone has to break barriers for the next generation. Change will never happen until people take action. I'm willing to do it.
"Fifteen years from now we can look back and say, 'That was a cool thing to do.' "
KLEBBA and Waugh said that if they didn't have family in California, they likely wouldn't be making the trip there specifically to get married. It will be a small ceremony, with Klebba's sister and brother-in-law, and Waugh's son, Andrew.
They discouraged friends and family from joining them in California and are planning a celebration here.
"That's why we want to get married in Wisconsin. It would make sense for us to celebrate with our community," Klebba said. "It doesn't make sense to flee our community and elope."
Waugh agreed.
"I did that when I was married before. I did elope," he said. "This time around I really wanted to have my family present for this wedding. And here I am, eloping again. But it's against my will; I don't want to."
The couple, who have been together nine years, also saw the marriage as a chance to make Andrew's studies come to life. Andrew did an eighth-grade research paper on gay marriage and by the time he finished the paper, it had become legal to get married in California.
"We thought, 'Why not take the research paper one step further and do a live demonstration?' " Klebba said.
California's current law already faces a challenge. In November, voters there will cast ballots to amend the state's constitution to forbid same-sex marriage.
That's part of why couples are acting now, but it's also because it's a dream that can finally come true.
"It's kind of like, 'Pinch me, is this really happening in my lifetime?' " Cox said. "I grew up thinking about getting married one day, and when I realized I was a lesbian, I thought that would never happen."
Sandefur is ready to slap the costs on her credit card in order to be there for her daughter, and has already found the perfect wedding present. It's a serving dish with two women on it that says: "And they lived happily ever after."
"We're just delighted for our Becky and her Monica -- and our Monica now," Sandefur said.
Cox said her marriage might not be recognized in Wisconsin, but she'll know in her heart that she is a married woman.
"When Kim introduces me to people, she always says, 'This is my wife,' " Cox said. "I always think it sounds nice, but it's not true. Now I'll be that for real."
Jacob Ela
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Madisonians David Waugh (left) and Bob Klebba plan to get married in August in San Diego. The couple have been going there every summer.
