They're quirky and they're (happily) alone
6:31 PM 2/12/04
Amanda Henry Wisconsin State Journal

Tired of the whole metrosexual thing? Take heart: A new subculture may be poised to take its place. Just in time for Valentine's Day, meet the quirkyalones. <

The designation crosses gender lines and sexual orientations, age, occupation and consumer habits. You don't even have to be alone to be a quirkyalone. But if a quirkyalone happens to be alone - as in, not in a romantic relationship - he or she is not going to wail and gnash their teeth about it, or stay home with a roommate's dog on Feb. 14. <

"It means someone who doesn't rely on a romantic relationship for their sense of identity," says Courtney Becks. "Someone who's OK with not being part of a couple - but not opposed to it." <

Becks, a 28-year-old graduate student at UW-Madison, is throwing Madison's first International Quirkyalone Day party Saturday at Mickey's Tavern on the East Side. Both the terminology and the concept of an alternative to Valentine's Day originate with Sasha Cagen, who wrote the essay "People Like Us: The Quirkyalones" for the independent San Francisco magazine To-Do List in the summer of 2000. That fall, it was reprinted in Utne Reader. (You can read the article in its entirety - and take a quiz to test your quirkyaloneness - at www.quirkyalone.net.) <

What Cagen describes is not so much a lifestyle as a personality, or perhaps a mindset: <

"We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces. Romantics, idealists, eccentrics, we inhabit singledom as our natural resting state. In a world where proms and marriage define the social order, we are, by force of our personalities and inner strength, rebels." <

"The essence of what Sasha Cagen is talking about is just being yourself," says Becks. In a culture that puts a premium on coupling up, that qualifies as quirky - no funny hats or eccentric mannerisms required. <

"I'm not talking about like, 'Amelie'" Becks clarifies. Quirky in this sense could be replaced with "individualist," or "nonconformist," but those wouldn't sound as good. (Nonconformistalone? Too pharmaceutical.) <

Certain political factions will be relieved to hear that quirkyalone is not an anti-marriage movement; Becks knows at least one quirkyalone couple who made it to the altar. <

"And now they have a quirky child," she notes. Now if she could only convince her mother. ... <

"My mom is definitely from that generation where being alone is scary," she says. "To me that's a weird thing - the idea that being with anyone is preferable to being alone. It's self-hating in a way, to say that being with yourself is not enough ... it's like saying 'I'm not OK.'" <

Living la vida quirkyalone means never having to say you're sorry - that you wasted your time in a less-than-fulfilling relationship just so you'd have someone to kiss on New Year's Eve, or make dinner for on Valentine's Day. <

If you have quirkyalone tendencies, and are in the mood to meet some like-minded people, you can join your fellow rebels at Mickey's, 1524 Williamson St., from 8 p.m. to close on Saturday. <