My youngest daughter had an appointment for which I needed to leave work a little early.  When I asked my boss about it, his response was friendly, but interesting.  “Don’t you have another driver in your family that can take her?”  I knew he was referring to my 18-year-old daughter, Erika.  He obviously did not know any of my family’s personal circumstances and how would he? I explained that not only did my 18 year old not have her drivers’ license, but she did not even live with me.

I remember back when Erika turned 15, and I was eager to have her drive. I fantasized about her driving my younger daughters to their appointments and running to the grocery store for milk. Things did not work out as I had hoped.  After failing her test, Erika decided she did not want the added responsibility of driving in her life. She was happy to get rides from friends, walk or ride a bike around town. I was relieved she had given up, because trying to get her to drive was so stressful. My time in the car with her was weird; I went from slamming the break that was not on the passenger’s side or grabbing the door as I saw cars coming at us at unsafe distances, to then encouraging her to drive more. I was a poor driving teacher, and her skills reflected my failure to make sure she passed.  By the time my husband returned from Afghanistan, it was too late. Erika had given up.

There is a story in our local news about a family whose 15-year-old daughter crashed the family car while driving west.  Kids learning to drive and crashing cars don’t usually make the news, but this story pulls at the heart strings when you hear the details. Every family connected to Madison soccer, Spring Harbor or Memorial aches for this family. Although I am not friends with the family, I am friends of friends who are. As I thought about this terrible crash, I realize how easily, similar circumstances could have happened to my family.  I understand the eagerness to have an eldest daughter driving and thinking a long drive on an easy highway wouldn’t be a problem.  I understand not wearing a seatbelt during a long distant drive in order to take a nap or watch a movie. 

This week while in the car with a bunch of middle school kids who were talking about the story, I heard one girl lay blame where it did not belong. I took the moment to interrupt the girl ‘s conversation to make sure that everyone in the car was wearing their seat belts,  and then proceeded to share that as the adult in the car, it is my responsibility to make sure the kids were safe, no matter who is driving. The girls understood my point.

As parents, we want our children to reach the sky and fly.  That is why we often push them out of the nest before they think they are ready, hoping they do not fall flat on their face.  Sometime they fall. My daughter failed without anyone getting killed in the process, thank God.  I respect her fear now, more than ever.  I thank my lucky stars for my family, and how blessed we have been.