John Kass, a Chicago Tribune columnist of my acquaintance, has written a column questioning the courage of Madison postal workers.

On Wednesday, Kass mocked the mail carriers who have been attacked by wild turkeys while trying to deliver mail on Madison's West Side, a story first reported by my colleague Ron Seely.

Kass wrote: "What really must be horrifying is that quiet moment, just before they attack. They peer out behind some shrubbery, their long necks craning, their turkey eyes fixing on non-suspecting human calves of mail carriers, and decide to either mate with, or kill those calves, or both."

Referring to the fact that it's the turkeys' mating season, Kass added: "Just imagine a randy turkey running out from shrubbery, lusting after the legs of postal workers, lunging toward them, head bobbing forward, the way horny turkeys run."

Kass was once kind enough to contribute an introduction to a book I wrote, so it pains me to point out that he is being foolish. It pains me, but I'll get over it.

It was Kass's last line that made me realize I had to answer him. He wrote: "Pretty soon, when it gets warm, those mail carriers will want to wear shorts."

I wish there was a way to introduce Kass to the late Brad Fuelle, a Madison native who spent 21 years working for the U.S. Postal Service in Madison.

Fuelle, who died in 2006, delivered the mail on a West Side route, and from April 1997 to February 2000, he set a singular record. Every working day during those 34 months, Fuelle delivered the mail wearing shorts. When it snowed, Fuelle wore shorts. When the wind chill was 30 below zero, he wore shorts.

He did it at first to win a bet -- two cases of beer -- that was hatched during a discussion at Brad's favorite bar, Bennett's Meadowood Country Club, which is located under Verona Road at Raymond.

The bet was that Fuelle couldn't wear shorts through one winter. Once he won the bet, he kept going, saying it had become "an obsession" and that the people on his route enjoyed bantering about it.

Fuelle's run came to an end only because of that most powerful of all earthly creatures -- a humorless bureaucrat. The manager of Fuelle's postal station ordered him to stop after getting one phone call of complaint.

The manager explained: "I got a call from a guy who said, 'It's 22 below zero and you have a guy gassing up his truck wearing shorts! What kind of people do you hire?'"

The tough kind, that's who. It was through Fuelle that I met another Madison postal worker, Pat "Shotgun" Pellett, who in May 1998 fought on the under card of an Eric Morel boxing match at the UW Field House.

Pellett fought as a heavyweight. His opponent was the not quite legendary Mike Pacyga, a gynecologist out of Decatur, Ill. Pacyga's line of work led Pellett to say, "I've taken some kidding about that. But he's 40 pounds heavier than I am!"

Last I heard, Pellett was in Idaho and retired from the ring. He might make a return, however, if we could set up an exhibition bout with Kass.

It may also be that Kass doesn't realize just how wild a wild turkey can be. I remember two years ago when one of them broke into a house in my Orchard Ridge neighborhood and caused all manner of trouble for Madison police.

The owners of the home on Barton Road were out of town when the turkey crashed through a window of the house. Police arrived because the turkey invasion had set off an alarm. The bird had a wing span of 5 feet and was in no mood to go quietly. It was April -- mating season.

The police wound up using a Taser on the turkey, which upset animal-rights activists. The Taser, however, didn't immediately do the job. The turkey flew upstairs and broke a ceiling light. The homeowner's son, who had let police into the house, told a reporter: "It turns from what doesn't look that big into a monster."

After a second jolt with the Taser, the turkey flew down the stairs and out the front door.

I can't imagine John Kass would like to write his newspaper column while a monster with a 5-foot wing span peered over his shoulder. Editors are bad enough.

But if he wants to see if he's as tough as a Madison postal worker, I have a suggestion, and it's not a bout with "Shotgun" Pellett. What Kass should do is try to wear shorts to work during a winter in Chicago.

On second thought, forget it. If Kass walked into Tribune Tower wearing shorts in January, they'd throw a net over him.