When United Way of Dane County started asking how to help elderly and disabled people stay in their own homes, they found some surprising answers.

One thing they found was a hidden army of unpaid caregivers, perhaps 42,000 countywide, helping out spouses, relatives, friends and neighbors with a range of services from an occasional meal or ride to full-time medical and personal care.

United Way committee members and social service agencies started asking caregivers what they needed.

"What we started to find was a common thread, " said Madison businessman Daniel Rashke, who chaired a United Way committee. Caregivers wanted two things: An occasional break and some support and education.

For many people, the stress of caring for someone else, sometimes combined with their own jobs and families, leaves them isolated and unaware of ways they could find help.

Rashke remembers the middle-aged man, working full-time and caring for his elderly mother, who explained to the United Way committee that he just wanted to be able to go hunting with his son in the fall.

"He opened our eyes up a little bit, " Rashke said. "You could just see the pressure, the emotion. "

"They have no idea there 's anything out there. They just struggle through it, " said Claire Culbertson, caregiver program coordinator for the Area Agency on Aging of Dane County.

Help for a mother

When Mary Ann Bondurant moved her mother, Lucille Kelly, from California to Wisconsin about six years ago, she hadn 't realized her mother was more forgetful than she sounded on the telephone.

"I didn 't realize at the time what she couldn 't do, mentally, ' ' Bondurant said. "It was kind of a shock. "

Nor did Bondurant know much about services available. She found the Fitchburg Senior Center, where social workers helped her "figure out what 's out there to help my mom, because I had no clue. "

Now 83, Kelly lives in a condo near her daughter 's Fitchburg home. The stove is disconnected for safety, but Kelly enjoys the company of Scooter, her aging calico cat, and the birds that visit her balcony feeder.

She eats dinner each evening with her daughter 's family, and Bondurant handles her finances, evening pills and nebulizer care for emphysema and bronchitis.

Sometimes it all feels like too much for Bondurant, who is 51.

Each weekday morning, a visitor from Independent Living helps Kelly with breakfast, morning pills, her nebulizer and personal care. Three days a week, a person from Catholic Charities stops by, perhaps taking Kelly out to lunch or for a ride in the country. One brings her border collie for a romp in the yard.

Bondurant knows about support groups for caregivers, but she 'd rather use her precious free time for other things. "I 've never been a sit-in-a-meeting type person, " she said.

Respite and support

A network of government and social service agencies, combining staff and volunteer work, is trying to publicize ways they can help caregivers. The 21 members of the Dane County Caregiver Alliance, for example, provide programs that include:

Respite care teams of screened and trained volunteers from Catholic Charities of Madison that relieve family caregivers with free in-home visits and assistance.

Respite care from Independent Living in a person 's home for a few hours or in the Segoe Gardens assisted-living residence for up to five days.

Caregiver education classes that feature practical skills, such as making a bed with a person in it.

Support groups focused on specific illnesses, such as Parkinson 's disease and Alzheimer 's disease, and caregiver and grief support groups offered by HospiceCare.

Caregivers come to their roles in different ways, sometimes gradually and sometimes in a crisis when, for example, a spouse suffers a stroke and returns home after hospitalization and a stay in rehab.

In fact, many caregivers don 't even realize the word applies to them, said Beverly Tillich, director of aging services for Catholic Charities.

Some caregiver services are free; others require payment, sometimes on a scale based on income. People who provide the services will help families figure out how to get what they need.

"There are a lot of options, and what we 're finding is people don 't know what 's available, " said Patricia Eldred, director of communications and development for Independent Living. "This is a huge issue and it 's only going to get bigger and bigger. "