Parents likely have been giving their kids some extra hugs this week, as families raise questions about school violence, a topic sadly too much in the news.

In recent days alone, the list is terrifying: The fatal shooting of a high school principal Friday in Cazenovia, teens charged Thursday with plotting to murder students at a Green Bay high school, the fatal shooting of a former Madison resident's daughter in a Colorado high school Wednesday and a knife incident at a Madison high school, also on Wednesday.

Some questions are unanswerable. The others we've posed to experts in the Madison area and beyond.

How can we see this coming in our own children or their friends? What are the warning signs?

A fascination with violence.

"Almost always if violent behavior occurs, there have been lots of communications by the student," said Kathy Halley, coordinator of school psychologists for the Madison School District. They may not be verbal or direct threats, she explained, but could be talking about violence in general, a focus and fascination with guns and weapons - often through drawings such as of people stabbing or shooting someone or a gun to the head. Some students write stories - fictional or wishful thinking - about violence and death online or for classroom assignments, she added.

Changes in behavior.

Students planning violent acts might withdraw from their families but remain connected with a group of friends, Halley said. They might feel alienated from school or complain they're being picked on or that people don't understand, although, Halley cautioned, many children have those complaints without ever becoming violent. Lots of anger built up over time would raise more suspicions, she said.

Changes in a child's behavior - such as academic level of achievement, friends' groups, school phobia or school avoidance, irritability - don't necessarily predict violent behavior, but these are all concerns parents should seek help for through a mental health provider, physician or student services at schools, which include the nurses, social workers, psychologists and guidance counselors who can connect families with help in the community.

"If it's any kind of school-related problem, always start with the school first," Halley advised.

Know your teen.

"In many of the cases when law enforcement does their investigation, they go into these kids' rooms and they find a plethora of items that show the intent of their plans - homemade bombs, guns, ammunition," said Jared Lewis, director of Know Gangs, a Jefferson-based private agency that offers training for professionals about gangs, drugs and school violence.

"There's this misbelief that lot of parents have now that they need a search warrant to go into their kids' rooms. They need to be aware of what their teenager is doing," he said. "In addition, many of the shooters left other signs - not just a gun laying in the room or blueprints of the school - but actually discussing their attempt with friends, writing blogs. . . . The majority of school shooters have left poems and writings and stories all talking about their intent and desire to engage in a school shooting.

"Parents should follow their gut feelings," Lewis said. "It's a wake-up call to start communicating better with their children to see what's going on in their lives."

What do I tell my child about the Friday shooting and other recent incidents?

Listen to their concerns.

"It's worth taking the time and sitting down and really talking and hearing what their feelings are and their worries are," said Jeannette Deloya, the support person for social workers in the Madison School District.

The district is referring staff to advice from several sources including "Talk to Children About Violence and Other Sensitive and Complex Issues in the World" from Educators for Social Responsibility, http://www.esrnational.org/guide.htm.

A few tips:

Respond to younger children's questions in terms they can understand and follow their cues about how far to go with the discussion. If middle and high school students aren't already talking about the incidents, ask what they've heard, what they're thinking about, how it affects them.

Reassure your child that adults at school have a plan and practice it in case of an attack, Halley said.

Remind them how to treat students who don't fit in easily: Don't tease or hurt them; discourage others from harassing them; and show kindness (best modeled by a parent throughout a child's life).

If there's bullying or harassing going on, tell an adult in the school, Halley said. "The adults will do something about it and will make the other students safe. . . and also respect the confidentiality of students."

Stress the importance of telling an adult if they have any information about a threat.

"Having trusting, open communication between students and adults in schools is probably the most powerful tool we have to prevent school violence and other incidents of harm," Halley said.

Mary Gulbrandson, director of student services for the Madison School District, said, "Hopefully everyone has someone in the school, some adult they can go to."

Four out of five school shootings could have been prevented, said Daniel Gross, founder and chief executive officer of PAX, a New York-based nonprofit organization working to help bring an end to gun violence against children and families.

"In 81 percent of school shootings by students, attackers told other students about their plans beforehand," he said, referring to the U.S. Secret Service study five years ago after a series of school shootings, including Columbine.

His organization's answer has been the Speak Up campaign. PAX opened the first and only national anonymous hotline -1-866-SPEAK-UP (1-866-773-2587) - to report a weapon threat at school almost four years ago and has received 14,000 calls since, including 118 calls from Wisconsin area codes, 23 of which were from the 608 area code.

According to the organization's research, two fears kept students from speaking up: fear of getting a student into trouble if the threat was joke or fear of retaliation if it was a serious threat. The hotline doesn't take callers' names but assigns them a number they can use if they call back to add information. Hotline staff make two contacts immediately after each call - first to the principal of the school in question and second to local law enforcement - then fax written reports to both.

Luis Yudice, formerly a Madison police captain and now security coordinator for the Madison School District, explains that kind of report would make his job more difficult. "The benefit of students coming forward in our own schools is that lends more veracity to the information that's provided, and we are better able to follow up."

What do I tell my child to do if the worst happens and there's a shooting threat at school?

Follow directions of the adults in charge.

"The school district has developed detailed policies and procedures if there's an emergency or significant event," Yudice said, explaining these are individualized for each school. "Teachers know what to do," he continued, explaining that sometimes it would be a lockdown, other times an evacuation. "These scenarios are practiced, they are rehearsed so staff members are aware of what to do."

Why are guns so accessible to children and what can be done about this?

"They seem to have become more accessible in the last few years," Yudice said. "Many times teenagers gain access to firearms from their own homes. . . . or they're obtained in the commission of a crime."

He advises gun owners to secure all firearms: "Make sure they are locked. Have a locking trigger mechanism, then put the locked weapon in a locked cabinet and store ammunition away from firearms.'

A Milwaukee doctor echoes that advice, noting that angry youth who can't access a gun might resort to far less lethal weapons such as a baseball bat or knife. Dr. Stephen Hargarten, director of the Firearm Injury Center and chair of emergency medicine at the Medical College of Wisconsin, said reducing unauthorized access to guns is critical, whether it's through locks; safer, smarter guns (such as those requiring a radio transponder or palm print to be operable); or public policy.

"The message to parents and to communities is to reduce unauthorized access to youth at risk for acting out to harm someone or themselves," he said. "This starts to be a consideration when we have policies such as carrying concealed weapons that predictably will result in an increased exposure to situations that would lead to unauthorized access. A policy such as concealed weapons carry is poor public health policy."